Two days ago, we brought our Duchess’ remains home. It was rough. Seeing her little paw prints on the clay disk brought back how much we have missed he. I’m glad to have her home, and glad that she won’t be far from us ever again. Over the last two weeks, it’s been an adjustment getting used to not seeing her. It still feels weird that we aren’t giving medicine every night and every morning. I have caught myself a lot asking Eric if he’s given her the medicine. It’s an adjustment.
Here are some of my favorite memories and things that I miss…
- Almost every night, she sat on the back of the couch above my head and swatted me with her tail while I watched TV. I can’t begin to say how much I miss that.
- Her smell – she always smelled like cookies for some reason
- How she would play with a string over and over, until she realized you were watching her
- How she would jump up to really high perches and then hide there for hours just watching you. She would spend hours in the kitchen on top of the upper cabinets just watching people and the dogs.
- She was always trying to go downstairs to the basement, unless you needed her to because of a storm warning
- How her fur was such an undefineable color – it tended to match everything I owned
- How her face never photographed the way I saw it – I could never understand that; she was so beautiful, but it never truly came across in pictures.
- How precious were her kisses – she wasn’t a licker (unlike Harvey), but when she licked you, you knew you were special.
- She and I would occasionally share pieces of cheese – I could always count on her for that
- Sometimes when we made dinner, we would leave the pan on the stove for a bit. We always knew if she found it because we would hear her tags clank on the side of the dish. She loved hamburger, although she always dropped it on the counter.
- She never turned down a plate of tuna and would come running for her share.
- She loved watching the fish (when we had them) and the birds outside the living room window.
- She would sleep on the floor next to my bed. It got to the point that I could wake up at almost any time and if she wasn’t on the bed with us, I could look down and she would be on the floor.
- When we first adopted us, she wasn’t a real affectionate cat. She didn’t really want to be held, unless it was on her terms. A couple of years ago, after I was laid off and was home all day every day for a month, she got to the point that she wanted to be next to us. She wouldn’t always stay long, but she came and sat with us and on us. She would sleep on me at night, or sleep right next to me. She was just very independent and a true “CAT” in every sense of the word. But she loved us and we loved her.
I still can’t believe she’s gone. There’s a hole in my heart that I can’t fill. I find myself looking for her when I come home, or reaching for her when I am watching TV. I knew it would be hard, but I never thought it would be this hard. Thank goodness for Eric and the girls. They are keeping me occupied enough so that I can’t dwell on it. I know that we will get through it and eventually the pain won’t be as much. It’s just hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through it. Thankfully, some of our friends and family have gone through it and having that support/understanding has been invaluable. Our thanks pour out to them.
We love you and miss you Duchess.